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QUESTION

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I am 22 and female, have been married for 2 years. I am happily married but just a year ago my sexual drive has died.I have no interest in it whatsoever.  Before this I was very active with my husband. Now it almost feels that the stereotypes are true about women - they stop having sex when they marry! I love my husband very much and I have thought maybe I don't find him sexually attractive, but it's not him. I don't find anything sexually attractive, it's like I'm blank completely.

This question was submitted to the HSAB by an actual iFriends user, and answered for recent publication.


ANSWER

Answered by Megan Fleming, Ph.D.

I’m glad to see that you are reaching out to ask this question and to get more information. It seems your sex drive decreased dramatically a year into marriage. Consider what may have been happening in your relationship at that time. Were there other life stressors or changes happening then? Maybe you changed your method of birth control, or there was a health issue, or something happened at your job. Have you noticed any changes in your mood and overall well-being, or just in your level of desire and sexual interest? It sounds like your loss of desire is global – that is, you are not interested in your husband or in any other sexual thoughts or feelings, on your own or in fantasy. It is important to rule out depression as a cause of your loss of desire, as this is a common symptom of depression. Depression screening tools are available on-line (for example, at www.depression-screening.org). I also recommend you speak with your general practioner to address any concerns or symptoms. After considering and addressing the above questions, think about what ideas, images or experiences have historically turned you on. When is the last time you exposed yourself to those kinds of experiences? Often, out of sight is out of mind. If you haven’t been focusing on things that turn you on, you might just be out of practice. Stimulating your own mind with sexual thoughts, and exploring erotic self stimulations is a good first step. These experiences allow you to explore your feelings and what comes up without being distracted by or feeling responsible for your husband’s pleasure. If you continue to feel that your mind and body is unresponsive to any sexual thoughts and stimulation then I would recommend bringing this concern to your gynecologist or general practitioner for evaluation.

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