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I am dating a guy who I like a lot. He has problems with getting a hard-on. After the first time he cums he would like to keep going because he wants to please me and he has yet to make me orgasm. He very seldom gets hard after the first time. He NEVER gets hard after the third time. The sex only lasts 5 to 10 minutes at a time. This is very frustrating. I have to masturbate after having sex with him just to be satisfied. Am I asking too much or should I assume I do not turn him on? I do EVERYTHING he asks!! Please save my relationship!!
This question was submitted to the HSAB by an actual iFriends user, and answered for recent publication.
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Wanting and asking for a healthy and satisfying sex life in a relationship is a wonderful thing. In fact, it is so highly valued and accepted that most consider it to be an incredible blessing, a gift, an essential part of being human that we can enjoy. In addition, having a desire to turn on and please your partner is also a good sign, one of the indicators of a relationship that may last for a very long time. So give yourself a pat on the back for being assertive and for raising these issues with your partner. Examining your expectations about sexual "performance" may bear much more fruit for you than assuming you do not turn your partner on. After all, he seems quite willing to hang in there with you and do his best to sexually satisfy you.
How often a man may be able to ejaculate during a single sexual encounter varies depending upon several facts. However (and although there are always exceptions), on the average, if he is healthy and young (perhaps under 30 years old), he may be able to ejaculate twice during a several hour period. Rarely would we expect multiple ejaculations during the same timeframe from a man older than 30 years of age. Similarly, most men report lasting approximately 7 minutes during intercourse. Again, there are many who last much longer, and many who last much shorter. So the man you are dating is pretty typical when it comes to sexual activity averages.
Does all this mean that you should accept and be happy with what you have, and don’t bother trying to change it? Absolutely not! While there are couples who are mutually satisfied with the duration and results you have described, many want more and are able to find it.
Improved sexual satisfaction may be found in a variety of ways. The best place to start, though, is through sexuality education. In fact, the vast majority of sexual issues are resolved through education. This is especially true when it comes to things such as erection and ejaculation control, having multiple orgasms and being a great lover for your specific partner, as these are mostly learned skills. Just as it is beneficial to learn facts about basic sexual functioning, it is equally important to learn about sexual variety, sexual play, sexual alternative style and sexual alternative lifestyles. For example, most Tantra/Sacred Sexuality programs offered here in America teach men how to prolong their erections, delay ejaculation, and greatly satisfy their partner, all while having multiple and prolonged orgasms. (Note: orgasm and ejaculation are two distinctly different experiences in men.) Women may learn how to increase pleasure for their partner, as well as how to have multiple and prolonged orgasms and experience female ejaculation.
Whether you and your partner study and practice Tantric Sexuality, buy and use a sex toy, discover that you are kinky and like to play in dungeons, or any one of a large variety of sexual activities and choices, the process of learning of and experiencing sexual alternatives will improve your sex life and greatly enhance your intimate, heart to heart connection with each other. So...go learn, explore, and keep reaching for the sexual pleasure you want and deserve!
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Orgasm
