Welcome to The Joy Spot...I’m Dr. Joy Davidson. I’m a Health and Science Advisory Board member, a psychologist, and a certified sex therapist based in New York City. My website is JoyDavidson.com.
I receive a lot of questions from viewers and readers who want to know the difference between ejaculating, squirting, and gushing – and they want to know how to do it, or how to help their girlfriend do it. So let’s tackle that question first since it’s the easiest to explain – what’s the difference? Ejaculation is just the more clinical term for squirting or gushing. And the main difference between squirting and gushing is the force with which the fluid comes out. If it shoots out, it’s squirting. If it releases in a little warm flood, it’s gushing. People also want to know, is this the same as coming? No. Sometimes gushing happens before orgasm, and sometimes it happens during. And many women orgasm without ejaculating at all. We know that for men, orgasm and ejaculation usually occur together – but for women, it’s different.
So what makes gushing or squirting happen? To understand that, we have to understand where the fluid comes from. The two primary organs of ejaculation are the urethral sponge and the female prostate. The urethral sponge is a mass of spongy tissue that surrounds the urethra – and it swells up with blood and fluid when a woman is very aroused. If you put your fingers inside your own or your partner’s vagina and press on the upper wall about 2 inches in – that’s the area we usually refer to as the G-spot – you’re actually pushing up against a swollen urethral sponge when a woman is aroused, because it’s behind the upper vaginal wall in that spot. The second orgasm is the female prostate. Embedded in the urethral sponge and wrapped around the urethra is a little network of ducts. And if you were to see a drawing of it, it would look a little bit like those lovely corals, with the little fingers – those are the ducts. This is the female prostate which fills up with fluid during sexual arousal. The more prolonged and intense a woman’s arousal, the more fluid builds up.
The most important thing for you to remember is that ejaculation only happens after prolonged, intense arousal because that’s what causes the prostate to fill with fluid. Also – the more swollen with arousal the urethral sponge is, the more pressure it puts on the prostate to release fluid. Stimulation of the clitoris and the area around the urethral entrance can trigger fluid release – that’s the gushing you feel. Alternately, contracting and relaxing the pelvic muscles during clitoral stimulation can do it, too. And of course, stimulation of the g-spot will do it because that is going to directly put pressure on the prostate.
This fluid that the prostate fills with isn’t urine – its chemical composition is quite different. It changes in consistency and color depending on the extent and duration of arousal. The more prolonged a woman’s arousal is, the more watery and clear it’s likely to be.
Some women seem to eject huge amounts of fluid – more than the prostate could reasonably hold. So it’s likely that fluid comes from the bladder – but it isn’t urine either. So, whether you’re squirting or gushing, you might ejaculate secretions that originate in the prostate or that originate in the bladder or both simultaneously – because all of it mingles and rushes out through the urethra.
What do you have to do during sex to trigger ejaculation? Well, sometimes, slow, prolonged clitoral stimulation alone will get you there, especially if it includes petting of the area around the urethral entrance. Lots of women naturally gush during that kind of stimulation. But you have to relax and go with the flow.
Internal stimulation – that is, massaging the upper wall of the vagina and putting pressure on the urethral sponge – will do it too, especially when it’s with combined clitoral stimulation. Fingers and g-spot stimulating toys are actually much more efficient for this purpose than a penis, because you can control the stimulation better. You can control the strokes and you can press at the same time, and vary the rhythm. Now, a penis can work sometimes, but you have to find just the right position to be able to put continued pressure on the urethral sponge.
As you increase arousal, more fluid builds up – that’s when you have that feeling that you need to pee. Now you understand why, right? You’re putting pressure on the urethra, so of course you feel like you have to pee. Go with it! If you relax you’ll probably gush – but if you want to squirt you need to do a little more than relax. You need to push OUT with the pelvic muscles. Push like you’re having a baby, or like you want to pee, but you can’t. Obviously, the stronger those pelvic muscles, the more you’ll be able to control them, and the harder you can push.
Now, here’s a little tip – if you want to feel free to ejaculate without drenching your sheets or using up every towel in the house, put down waterproof pads that you can throw away. You can find these in the drug store or you can go to a pet supply store. Puppy training pads do the trick perfectly.
While many women want to learn to ejaculate, I think it’s really important not to make ejaculation a new erotic holy grail. Ejaculation doesn’t make for a better orgasm, and isn’t a sign of greater sexual proficiency. For some women, it’s just natural.
Thanks for watching this episode of the Joy Spot. I invite you to have a look at some of the other Joy Spot videos. And for more information about sex, love, and health, please visit me at JoyDavidson.com and loveandhealth.info.
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